Well, I used to drive a cab, you know
 I heard a siren scream
 Pulled over to the corner
 And I fell into a dream
 There were two men eating pennies
 And three young girls who cried
 The West coast is falling,
 I see rocks in the sky.
 The preacher took his bible
 And laid it on the stool.
 He said: with the congregation running,
 Why should I play the fool?
 
 Well, I used to be a woman, you know
 I took you for a ride,
 I let you fly my airplane
 It looked good for your pride.
 'Cause you're the kind of man you know
 Who likes what he says.
 I wonder what's it's like
 To be so far over my head.
 Well, the lady made the wedding
 And she brought along the ring.
 She got down on her knees
 And said: Let's get on with this thing.
 
 Well, I used to be a folk singer
 Keeping managers alive,
 When you saw me on a corner
 And told me I was jive.
 So I unlocked your mind, you know
 To see what I could see.
 If you guarantee the postage,
 I'll mail you back the key.
 Well I woke up in the morning
 With an arrow through my nose
 There was an Indian in the corner
 Tryin' on my clothes.
 
 Well, I used to be asleep you know
 With blankets on my bed.
 I stayed there for a while
 'Til they discovered I was dead.
 The coroner was friendly
 And I liked him quite a lot.
 If I hadn't 've been a woman
 I guess I'd never have been caught.
 They gave me back my house and car
 And nothing more was said.
 
 Well, I was driving down the freeway
 When my car ran out of gas.
 Pulled over to the station
 But I was afraid to ask.
 The servicemen were yellow
 And the gasoline was green.
 Although I knew I couldn't
 I thought that I was gonna scream.
 That was on my last trip to Tulsa
 Just before the snow.
 If you ever need a ride there,
 Be sure to let me know.
 
 I was chopping down a palm tree
 When a friend dropped by to ask
 If I would feel less lonely
 If he helped me swing the axe.
 I said: No, it's not a case of being lonely
 We have here,
 I've been working on this palm tree
 For eighty seven years
 I said: No, it's not a case of being lonely
 We have here,
 I've been working on this palm tree
 For eighty seven years
 He said: Go get lost!
 And walked towards his Cadillac.
 I chopped down the palm tree
 And it landed on his back.
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